Hello…It’s Me…

It has been quite a while. A 10 month old baby boy, promotion at work, new house while to be exact.

Carbs and I have been on again off again, but back together in full force for the holiday season. They just know all the right things to say this time of year to be irresistible, don’t they?

There was such a long time that went by waiting and hoping for a baby which seemed impossible with PCOS, but after working with a great doctor, maintaining my carb break up pretty consistently, and one successful round of IUI, we found ourselves pregnant with a baby boy.

The pregnancy – not easy. The delivery – emergency c-section. So difficult in fact, I didn’t even know how to articulate it in writing to you for the longest time. But it was all worth it to have my amazing baby boy.

The holidays seem to make you reflect and the New Year seems to make you resolve, so here I am saying there is some news to come in 2019 and I plan to be a lot more open as well as honest in covering some of my experiences like:

PCOS and infertility

Pregnancy and pre-diabetes

Being a working mom

All of these while maintaining a breakup with carbs and celebrating a happy, healthy life. Wishing you and your family the same, now and always.

Now please excuse me while I run to Del Taco.

#WeighInWednesday: Down 5 pounds from last week!

The nausea is not great. And the vomiting is even worse. And the breaking up with carbs is certainly the ABSOLUTE WORST.

But…

I am proud to say I am down 5 pounds from last week and am at the lowest weight I have been in years! I am down 27 pounds from this time last year! While all of the things I have been going through have been very tough, I have found that writing more frequently to YOU has made me stronger and more accountable.

As I type this, I realize I was so hungry today I forgot to take a pic of my low carb lunch today for Instagram – but I have been posting a lot more of what I have been eating which has made me even more accountable.

I am sure you can agree…seeing results from working hard is the absolute best feeling. It keeps you motivated and helps you believe again in what you are doing. For me, I know that a drop on the scale means wonderful things for all my other levels which will make my Endocrinologist appointment next month that much more successful. This has been one hard journey with no end in sight, but as they say:

Here is what I did well this week:

• Food journaling – of all the things that have worked for staying low carb, the food journal has by far helped me have the most success. It has really helped me keep track of how I am doing and has really translated into results.
• Delicious breakfast found – Since I have not been eating eggs for personal reasons and I need to stay low carb, I have been really struggling with breakfast options, especially on-the-go breakfast options. I started trying Luna Bars which keep me under my 30g of carbs/meal limit. They are delicious, good for being on-the-go, and low carb. I am pleased to say they help me kick-off my day the way a good breakfast should.
• Stayed Low Carb, even when it was tough – Of course there were some exceptions with Halloween, but all in all I really watched what I ate and made low carb choices. I have found ways to splurge (like Popcorn or grapes), but splurging in ways that do not completely destroy my carb count for the day.

Here is what I can work on next week:

• Exercise – a lot of this has to do with the fatigue and nausea I have had, but exercise just has not been happening. I have been trying to walk more around work (which is saying a lot – it is a big campus), but there is certainly room for improvement
• Booze – While I have cut drinking out during the week for the most part, I really want to cut back on weekends too. As I get older, I have noticed many of my friends are transitioning from our binge drinking 20s to enjoy a nice glass of wine 30s. And there is nothing wrong with that. We are going to a wedding this weekend, so it will be interesting to see if I can keep this goal…but I will try!
• Manage emotions – I had a bit of a breakdown at work this week…my first since starting this new job 6 months ago. This team is all about sharing frustrations, but I have always been more poker faced in the workplace. I think like most things, there is a happy medium…which I will be working hard to achieve. Like all workplaces, negativity can snowball very quickly, so it is important to me I don’t feed into any negativity around me and continue to identify myself as a positive person…no matter what.

So here is to positivity…and hard work…and being a bad @$$. Cheers to that.

#MondayMotivation: Good start to the week after Halloween fun

Halloween weekend is certainly a TRICKy time for those of us counting carbs. My stomach has been pretty upset lately from the meds, so I did not really do any drinking this weekend, but I certainly got back together with carbs for a Halloween rendezvous. I don’t know about you, but I feel like if I do not let myself enjoy holidays when everyone else is, I go crazy. It is hard enough to order the salad when everyone else has pizza on a normal basis…so I give myself some breathing room for holidays. That being said, I had some chips, bread, fries, and did not go protein style with my turkey burger because…R.I.P DIET for this weekend. I will say that I tried to make healthier choices (i.e. wheat bun instead of white) and I also feel back in love with one of my favorite healthy snacks…red bell peppers with salt and pepper. SO good. SO healthy. All that being said, I certainly did not stick to 110g carbs per day. I am pretty sure a handful of fun sizes helped with that.

But now it is time to get back on track. And even though I am feeling especially irritable today (maybe it is just Monday, maybe it is meds, who really knows for sure…), I have been pretty good at staying on track. It is pushing 4pm and as I type I am snacking on cherry tomatoes and seeing that I am at 48g carbs. I said no to California Pizza Kitchen with co-workers. No to the Indian station in the cafeteria with rice and garlic naan bread. No to ALL the extra candy around the office. I am really trying to commit.

To top it off, I got a slow cooker done before going to work and will see if it is a good one tonight. Definitely staying low carb for this meal…and there is something about having dinner already done as I drove in for work that made me feel ready for anything.

So yes, I am irritable. Yes, I miss carbs. And yes, I really don’t know how I have been so good today. But I have been…and even though this lifestyle is overwhelming, I am living one moment at a time. And in this moment, these cherry tomatoes taste REAL GOOD.

Here’s to a good week!

#WeighInWednesday: Rollercoaster Ride

This last week has been a roller coaster…and not in the fun way. I have been having the hardest time getting into my groove with medication and diet. Maybe it is the fact there are carbs EVERYWHERE at work. Maybe it is the fact Halloween candy is everywhere. Maybe I am feeling extra tired. So many possibilities…all of which lead to a pretty steady relationship with carbs lately. I have had days that have been SO good with what I eat and remembering my medicine. Then there are the days when on my drive into work I realize I forgot my meds. Or I decide I need to eat that Reese’s Peanut Butter cup. And the cracker snack pack. And the bagel. Consistency has definitely not been great for me in the last week.

Despite the roller coaster, I am not up any weight from last week. I am still 4 pounds away from my lowest weight and 22 pounds from my goal weight…but at least I did not gain from last week.

Here is what I did well last week:

• FOOD JOURNALING – Since I have felt like my carb rendezvous have been quite intense, I have been writing down what I am eating again. I have found food journaling has really helped me get control

• GOOD CHOICES – I have had a few meals where I have very decisively avoided carbs and chosen something healthier. Even though everyone around me is chowing down on mac and cheese…and fries…and (sigh) you get it.

Here are my opportunities for the coming week:

• EXERCISE – I still have not found a groove with a workout schedule. I know how important it is…I have nothing more to say except I know I need to be like Nike and JUST DO IT.

• CONSISTENCY – Most of my life, I have been all about focused bursts of productivity and lulls of…well…not productivity. As a general statement, I need to focus on my consistency – especially with my diet.

• CHOOSING JOY – I don’t know about you, but in the world of social media, it is so easy to compare. I have been really trying to focus on my blessings and not comparing to others. I am going to work to continually choose joy…and make that choice with a grateful heart.

No matter if you are fighting PCOS, Diabetes, staying on a diet, or just trying to be a functional, productive human…there are ups and downs. It is crucial to understand that and give yourself some breathing room. On this crazy roller coaster, we can learn just as much on the lows if we choose to…so here is to learning and some smooth sailing once I get my groove back.

Wednesday Weigh-In: Down 1 pound and working on feeling positive!

So it looks like food journaling has been the way to go…I am down 1 more pound this week! I am still 1 pound away from my lowest I have been on this journey, but I have lost 4 pounds since my birthmonth weight gain!

Here are the things that I did well this week:

• My food journal has definitely been holding me accountable. Food journaling has also shown me that I can still have some of the carbs I love, just in moderation.

• I have been better about taking my meds regularly. I have noticed that not taking my meds was really causing my body to reset, so I am back to some nausea and vomiting side effects. I have stayed positive though…I know that I am getting healthier and I need to stay disciplined.

• Overall, I have been working to have a more positive outlook. It can be so easy to be caught up in negativity whether it be at work, around friends, or even from our own health. I have made it a goal to stay positive and stay thankful.

Here are my goals for next week:

• NO more excuses…I need to workout. I had a dentist appointment early this morning which proved to myself I can in fact get out of bed when I need to. It is time to make my workout a priority.

• Keep food journaling. It is working really well, so I need to keep it going.

• Keep the positivity going. Even if that means distancing myself from people and situations that do not make me feel happy or positive.

As I continue along my experiences, it is so clear to me that I really can be happy and healthy as long as I keep taking control of my life. I have the power to choose happiness…so why choose anything else?

Wednesday Weigh-In: Down 3 pounds!

So as it turns out, food journaling helps. A LOT.

Even though I had a family vacation this weekend and enjoyed more carbs than usual, I still tried to be mindful of what I ate and drank. I have also been sticking to the food journal all week so far. The nice thing about food journaling is I can still have carb splurges, but I am mindful of how big they are and how they impact my carbs for the day.

This morning was a great example of how carbs and I had a brief rendezvous, but didn’t fully commit. Around my office, there are a lot of celebrations. Not the once a month lump all the birthdays together…but a celebration for EVERY birthday, milestones, farewell, you name it. This morning was a farewell…with bagels. Sitting around the table feeling hungry and watching everyone eat carbs, I was dying. So I used my handy dandy “Calorie King” app and realized if I had half a bagel, I would be within my normal 30g of carb/meal allotment. This allowed me to eat, be included, and not break the carb bank. SUCCESS.

All of this seems to be working as I am down 3 pounds form last week! I am still working off my birthMONTH weight, but am only 2 pounds away from where I was at my lowest weight before birthMONTH. Even with the small gain, I am still down 22 pounds from September 2014. I am hoping this momentum will keep me moving in the right direction.

So I guess carbs in moderation is kind of like friends with benefits status…we aren’t fully committed, but we enjoy some great perks of a relationship. Sometimes.

BirthMONTH weight gain is a thing…but here is how I am bouncing back

In my family, it is not a birthDAY. It is a birthMonth. Between family in different cities, conflicts with work schedules, and the fact that we love a good celebration…festivities absolutely extend over several days, weeks, the month…whatever.

As we all know, a good celebration calls for a good carb or ten. Carbs and I definitely got back together and while I want to say I regret it, it was a glorious rendezvous. Sushi, pasta, sangria, cupcakes, cookies, fried chicken, french fries, bread…all of it. So. Good.

But then there is the whole consequence thing which is this case is 5 pounds I gained back. While this is less than stellar, I am surprisingly feeling OK about it.

Here is why I am OK with the weight gain during my birthMONTH and what I plan to do to get back on track.

My birthday was amazing. Maybe the best ever.

On my actual birthday, I got to go on a work day trip and was surprised with birthday treats during an important meeting. My husband spoiled me with my favorite restaurant, champagne, and a bag I have had my eye on. My birthday party was at a beautiful outdoor venue and I was surrounded by amazing friends including one of my best friends who came all the way from
Alaska to surprise me. Some of my friends I haven’t seen in a while told me how great I look from my 20 pound weight loss. Basically, I had a lot of reasons to smile. I looked great, I felt great, and really was counting my blessings for the progress I have made and the wonderful people I have in my life.

Now while that sounds all rosy and wonderful and I have a good snapshot I shared, the truth is that I was eating carbs like it was the zombie apocalypse. I really did not discriminate with any carbs and even a week after my actual birthday, I was still doing the same thing.

The truth of the matter is, it is time to get back on track. They say the first step is admitting the problem, and the problem is carbs. It is definitely time for us to breakup again.

Here is my plan to get back on track:

Since our work cafeteria is closed, we have food trucks coming to our campus every day. You know…pizza, tacos, tater tots, grilled cheese. It is basically as if carbs was sending me 2 dozen roses everyday and begging me to get back together. But this cannot be.

Planning ahead seems to be the best way to battle carbs. We will be out of town this weekend, so meal planning will be more challenging. But we will find a way! My husband has also gained a lot of weight…mostly because when my appetite was down from the meds he was eating what I wasn’t and as a true partner, he fully indulged in my birthmonth as well.

To help us both, we have been good about getting in our 20 minute exercise prescribed by the doc each night with evening walks. It has been good for our relationship and great for our health.

I also just started a food journal today to really count my carbs to keep me aligned with my 110g/day goals. I have food journaled before and I have found it really helps with accountability. Not only do I plan to keep track of the number of carbs I eat, but I also plan to keep track of taking my meds. I have found as things get busier and busier, I have been worse about taking the meds I need to survive. I figure that if I take the time out of the day to commit to this, it will make me pay more attention and not be swayed by the delicious smell of food trucks or office bagels.

I also am planning to write more! I kept making excuses, but truthfully, sharing my journey with you all made me more accountable and ultimately healthier. I also sincerely hope this helps others in similar situations or just looking to be healthier get to their goals.

Here’s to a fresh start. Again.

Weigh-in Wednesday: Down 24 Pounds!

It is pretty amazing how much progress I have made…since last August, I am down 24 pounds and all of my levels were looking great at my last doctor appointment!

With all the drama and pain this has been to go through, I can’t begin to tell you how pleased I am to see results like these.

To be honest, the results do confuse me a little bit…carbs and I have TOTALLY been back together. In a big way. I do still have some nausea from my meds and don’t quite feel like myself, so I have been eating lots of carbs. I will admit I try to eat carbs that are better than others (like Rye instead of white bread), but I have had carbs with every meal. I was honestly shocked that I didn’t weigh more considering the 4th of July holiday. It seems so crazy to me that I have virtually been eating what I want (including half of a morning donut this morning) and losing weight. And now I am officially one of those jerks I used to hate that could eat what they want and not gain weight. It has been hard – my typical fish and veggie choice has sounded TERRIBLE and salads seem to make me sicker than carbs. So carbs it has been and likely will continue to be.

With this weird carb thing going on, here are my successes from the week and goals for next week:

Successes:

• Been under control making some healthy decisions, especially with carb heavy meals (we even had brown rice pasta for our mac and cheese on the 4th of July!)
• I have tried to get exercise in and did a 45 minute hike on the 4th with my husband and dogs. I have also been choosing the cafeteria that is farther from my office to get in a little more walking.
• I was better about taking my meds this week. There were a couple of days I was really struggling, but I feel like I am getting a better groove.
• I have been better about worrying less and thinking more positively. Sure, I wish there some things that were different in my life…but I am thankful for the things I do have that I have worked hard for.

Opportunities:

• Exercise has not been hitting my goal of 20 minutes a day. I really need to get up and get going.
• I will be trying to re-introduce healthier eating into my life. Carbs and I just can’t stay together if I want to keep seeing the results I have been having.
• Be consistent with my meds. The Endocrinologist said almost everything is back to normal…except that I am still ovulating every 2-3 weeks and losing some of my hair. He increased my Metformin, so hopefully within the next 3 months everything will be back on track. That being said, in the words of Fat Amy, “You should really listen to my doctor.”

So that’s that! Let’s see how I do…starting tomorrow? Definitely getting some pizza for dinner. Because. PIZZA.

Blood work DONE: How to make blood work as smooth as possible

You know how sometimes you finish a major project at work or perhaps there was a big chore at home that had been put off for months and is finally done? Completion of such tasks surely deserve a reward or celebration, right? In my world, getting blood work done  and not having a panic attack is an achievement on the same level as a year end report or reorganizing every closet in your house. Seriously.

Now that it is over, I will wait…wait for Monday and the results that could change my whole life.

In the interim, at least there are fun things to fill the time. Between now and then I will be at E3 (gaming convention) for work, go to a concert I have been looking forward to, make it to the weekend, and celebrate Father’s Day. I am also hoping to spend more time with you…sharing things I have learned to make for a healthier, low carb lifestyle (especially to battle PCOS and Diabetes)

Since I know everyone has to have blood work done at some point, I thought it would be helpful to share some tips I found to help make the draw as smooth as possible. It would have made my Glucose Tolerance Test along with all the other blood work fun I have had much better if I read something like this…so I hope it helps you.

Water is Vital: Drinking water is highly encouraged before a blood draw. Being well-hydrated means your veins are full and easier for thephlebotomist (the person who draws your blood) to find. In essence, being well-hydrated could mean a quicker, less painful draw for you! This will also help your blood pressure from dropping.

Get your blood pumping. 
I’ve noticed that my veins seem to be easier to find and the blood flows betterwhen my blood is really moving. To help with this, I always park as far away as possible when I’m going in for a blood draw, and I jog or walk briskly into the office. (Yes, I just admitted how pathetically out of shape I am that that a short jog across the parking lot really gets my blood going.)

Take deep breaths. In through the nose, our through the mouth. Seems super intuitive, but it definitely is not for me. All I want to do is hold my breath as I stare longingly at the exit sigh. Deep breaths really did help me today. The lady taking my blood told me to think about being at yoga…a bit of a stretch, but I think her intent was obviously good. I found closing my eyes and breathing really did help quite a bit.

And now…we wait for Monday’s appointment.

Night before blood work: Time for results

It’s 9pm here is California and I am fasting. Isn’t it funny that whenever you can’t have something, you want it? Basically, this is how I feel right now:

Since I have last posted, I have made major progress as I approach my Endocrinologist appointment on Monday. I am the lowest weight I have been in years and down 15 pounds from my last Endocrinologist appointment which gives me hope that I am winning the battle against PCOS and Pre-Diabetes. Monday is the day we will find if medication has been working.
3 months ago, my Endocrinologist was concerned that my levels were not where they should be and I needed to increase my medication. After tripling my dosage for Metformin, doubling the dosage for Spironolactone, and putting me on a weekly injection of Tanzeum…I have had a rough 3 months.

With all this medication, I have been vomiting 1-5 times a week for the last 3 months. It was bad. Just starting a new job, I was terrified my new coworkers would think I was pregnant or had an eating disorder. I was sick often at work, on planes, on the side of the road…everywhere. Nausea had taken over my week and I was exhausted. On top of that, I went from not ovulating at all to ovulating…EVERY 2 WEEKS.

Things seem to have evened out…last week was my first week I wasn’t sick! I only vomited once and I believe it was due to working a red carpet event and being in the very hot California sun for hours. Wednesdays are my injectable day and I will say I am less afraid going into the next few days with the hope the side effects really have improved.

While my fears for side effects have subsided, I find myself terrified for the blood work tomorrow for 2 reasons:

1.) I still hate needles. Injecting myself once a week hasn’t improved the fear…so starting the day with blood work is going to make it tough to sleep tonight.

2.) I am really worried about what will happen on Monday. While I see weight improvement which I know should indicate border change, I know my food intake has not been great. When you feel sick all the time, all you want is carbs. As a mostly pescetarian, I have been shocked to find that fish has disgusted me in the last few months. All my normal routines and the way I feel about myself have been off. While that has been tough, I am more afraid of what happens if I get bad news Monday.

So what does one do? One remembers…

Even though I was scared how it would make me feel, I ate salmon today for lunch. And it was delicious.

Even though I hate mornings and don’t want blood work taken, I made an 8:15am appointment. And I will be there.

Even though I am terrified of the results I will have Monday, I will have faith.

And even though carbs and I are breaking up, I had a handful of miniature candy bars tonight. Because I gave myself a shot. Because it was before fasting time began for my blood work. Because I wanted to. Although I know I shouldn’t, I know rewards are important and no one is perfect. But then I remember this:

I suppose we all have room for improvement.

More to come on how the blood work goes and what I learn on Monday.

Stay happy, stay healthy.