#WeighInWednesday: Down 5 pounds from last week!

The nausea is not great. And the vomiting is even worse. And the breaking up with carbs is certainly the ABSOLUTE WORST.

But…

I am proud to say I am down 5 pounds from last week and am at the lowest weight I have been in years! I am down 27 pounds from this time last year! While all of the things I have been going through have been very tough, I have found that writing more frequently to YOU has made me stronger and more accountable.

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As I type this, I realize I was so hungry today I forgot to take a pic of my low carb lunch today for Instagram – but I have been posting a lot more of what I have been eating which has made me even more accountable.

I am sure you can agree…seeing results from working hard is the absolute best feeling. It keeps you motivated and helps you believe again in what you are doing. For me, I know that a drop on the scale means wonderful things for all my other levels which will make my Endocrinologist appointment next month that much more successful. This has been one hard journey with no end in sight, but as they say:

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Here is what I did well this week:

  • Food journaling – of all the things that have worked for staying low carb, the food journal has by far helped me have the most success. It has really helped me keep track of how I am doing and has really translated into results.
  • Delicious breakfast found – Since I have not been eating eggs for personal reasons and I need to stay low carb, I have been really struggling with breakfast options, especially on-the-go breakfast options. I started trying Luna Bars which keep me under my 30g of carbs/meal limit. They are delicious, good for being on-the-go, and low carb. I am pleased to say they help me kick-off my day the way a good breakfast should.
  • Stayed Low Carb, even when it was tough – Of course there were some exceptions with Halloween, but all in all I really watched what I ate and made low carb choices. I have found ways to splurge (like Popcorn or grapes), but splurging in ways that do not completely destroy my carb count for the day.

Here is what I can work on next week:

  • Exercise – a lot of this has to do with the fatigue and nausea I have had, but exercise just has not been happening. I have been trying to walk more around work (which is saying a lot – it is a big campus), but there is certainly room for improvement
  • Booze – While I have cut drinking out during the week for the most part, I really want to cut back on weekends too. As I get older, I have noticed many of my friends are transitioning from our binge drinking 20s to enjoy a nice glass of wine 30s. And there is nothing wrong with that. We are going to a wedding this weekend, so it will be interesting to see if I can keep this goal…but I will try!
  • Manage emotions – I had a bit of a breakdown at work this week…my first since starting this new job 6 months ago. This team is all about sharing frustrations, but I have always been more poker faced in the workplace. I think like most things, there is a happy medium…which I will be working hard to achieve. Like all workplaces, negativity can snowball very quickly, so it is important to me I don’t feed into any negativity around me and continue to identify myself as a positive person…no matter what.

So here is to positivity…and hard work…and being a bad @$$. Cheers to that.

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Down 1 pound and working on feeling positive!

So it looks like food journaling has been the way to go…I am down 1 more pound this wtricianae_weighineek! I am still 1 pound away from my lowest I have been on this journey, but I have lost 4 pounds since my birthmonth weight gain!

Here are the things that I did well this week:

  • My food journal has definitely been holding me accountable. Food journaling has also shown me that I can still have some of the carbs I love, just in moderation.
  • I have been better about taking my meds regularly. I have noticed that not taking my meds was really causing my body to reset, so I am back to some nausea and vomiting side effects. I have stayed positive though…I know that I am getting healthier and I need to stay disciplined.
  • Overall, I have been working to have a more positive outlook. It can be so easy to be caught up in negativity whether it be at work, around friends, or even from our own health. I have made it a goal to stay positive and stay thankful.

positive-3Here are my goals for next week:

  • NO more excuses…I need to workout. I had a dentist appointment early this morning which proved to myself I can in fact get out of bed when I need to. It is time to make my workout a priority.
  • Keep food journaling. It is working really well, so I need to keep it going.
  • Keep the positivity going. Even if that means distancing myself from people and situations that do not make me feel happy or positive.

As I continue along my experiences, it is so clear to me that I really can be happy and healthy as long as I keep taking control of my life. I have the power to choose happiness…so why choose anything else?

Weigh-in Wednesday: Down 24 Pounds!

imagesIt is pretty amazing how much progress I have made…since last August, I am down 24 pounds and all of my levels were looking great at my last doctor appointment!

With all the drama and pain this has been to go through, I can’t begin to tell you how pleased I am to see results like these.

To be honest, the results do confuse me a little bit…carbs and I have TOTALLY been back together. In a big way. I do still have some nausea from my meds and don’t quite feel like myself, so I have been eating lots of carbs. I will admit I try to eat carbs that are better than others (like Rye instead of white bread), but I have had carbs with every meal. I was honestly shocked that I didn’t weigh more considering the 4th of July holiday. It seems so crazy to me that I have virtually been eating what I want (including half of a morning donut this morning) and losing weight. And now I am officially one of those jerks I used to hate that could eat what they want and not gain weight. It has been hard – my typical fish and veggie choice has sounded TERRIBLE and salads seem to make me sicker than carbs. So carbs it has been and likely will continue to be.

With this weird carb thing going on, here are my successes from the week and goals for next week:

Successes:

  • Been under control making some healthy decisions, especially with carb heavy meals (we even had brown rice pasta for our mac and cheese on the 4th of July!)
  • Quotes-on-success-List-of-top-35-success-quotes-20I have tried to get exercise in and did a 45 minute hike on the 4th with my husband and dogs. I have also been choosing the cafeteria that is farther from my office to get in a little more walking.
  • I was better about taking my meds this week. There were a couple of days I was really struggling, but I feel like I am getting a better groove.
  • I have been better about worrying less and thinking more positively. Sure, I wish there some things that were different in my life…but I am thankful for the things I do have that I have worked hard for.

Opportunities:

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  • Exercise has not been hitting my goal of 20 minutes a day. I really need to get up and get going.
  • I will be trying to re-introduce healthier eating into my life. Carbs and I just can’t stay together if I want to keep seeing the results I have been having.
  • Be consistent with my meds. The Endocrinologist said almost everything is back to normal…except that I am still ovulating every 2-3 weeks and losing some of my hair. He increased my Metformin, so hopefully within the next 3 months everything will be back on track. That being said, in the words of Fat Amy, “You should really listen to my doctor.”

So that’s that! Let’s see how I do…starting tomorrow? Definitely getting some pizza for dinner. Because. PIZZA.

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Night before blood work: Time for results

It’s 9pm here is California and I am fasting. Isn’t it funny that whenever you can’t have something, you want it? Basically, this is how I feel right now:

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Since I have last posted, I have made major progress as I approach my Endocrinologist appointment on Monday. I am the lowest weight I have been in years and down 15 pounds from my last Endocrinologist appointment which gives me hope that I am winning the battle against PCOS and Pre-Diabetes. Monday is the day we will find if medication has been working.
3 months ago, my Endocrinologist was concerned that my levels were not where they should be and I needed to increase my medication. After tripling my dosage for Metformin, doubling the dosage for Spironolactone, and putting me on a weekly injection of Tanzeum…I have had a rough 3 months.

With all this medication, I have been vomiting 1-5 times a week for the last 3 months. It was bad. Just starting a new job, I was terrified my new coworkers would think I was pregnant or had an eating disorder. I was sick often at work, on planes, on the side of the road…everywhere. Nausea had taken over my week and I was exhausted. On top of that, I went from not ovulating at all to ovulating…EVERY 2 WEEKS.

Things seem to have evened out…last week was my first week I wasn’t sick! I only vomited once and I believe it was due to working a red carpet event and being in the very hot California sun for hours. Wednesdays are my injectable day and I will say I am less afraid going into the next few days with the hope the side effects really have improved.

While my fears for side effects have subsided, I find myself terrified for the blood work tomorrow for 2 reasons:

1.) I still hate needles. Injecting myself once a week hasn’t improved the fear…so starting the day with blood work is going to make it tough to sleep tonight.

2.) I am really worried about what will happen on Monday. While I see weight improvement which I know should indicate border change, I know my food intake has not been great. When you feel sick all the time, all you want is carbs. As a mostly pescetarian, I have been shocked to find that fish has disgusted me in the last few months. All my normal routines and the way I feel about myself have been off. While that has been tough, I am more afraid of what happens if I get bad news Monday.

So what does one do? One remembers…

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Even though I was scared how it would make me feel, I ate salmon today for lunch. And it was delicious.

Even though I hate mornings and don’t want blood work taken, I made an 8:15am appointment. And I will be there.

Even though I am terrified of the results I will have Monday, I will have faith.

And even though carbs and I are breaking up, I had a handful of miniature candy bars tonight. Because I gave myself a shot. Because it was before fasting time began for my blood work. Because I wanted to. Although I know I shouldn’t, I know rewards are important and no one is perfect. But then I remember this:

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I suppose we all have room for improvement.

More to come on how the blood work goes and what I learn on Monday.

Stay happy, stay healthy.

Health update: Scared, but resilient

jour·ney
noun
an act of traveling from one place to another.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have developed false faith that I was better. I convinced myself that December’s visit to the Endocrinologist was so good, that I could get back together with carbs on a regular basis. I have been evolving my diet the way I have in the past…after months of being good, I believed I was on the right track and could afford eating the way so many people around me do indulging in carbs on a regular basis.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

This morning’s appointment was eye opening. When I started this journey back in November, my testosterone level was at 90. The healthy rating for a woman is 30. If I did not get treated, I was on a path to have heart failure. In the next decade. After starting this blog and staying very disciplined in my carb breakup, I got my testosterone level down to 53. This gave me false comfort to allow carbs to creep back into my life…first, when I was stressed. Then, on the weekends. And ultimately, whenever I felt like it. My testosterone level was at 56.

My Endocrinologist is one of the kindest, most talented people I have ever met. Today’s appointment would have been terrifying if it wasn’t for his sense of humor, open dialog, and genuine concern he has for me and all of his patients. Even with his skill and kindness, today was still a very scary wake up call.

I shared with Dr. Marcus that I have been exhausted. I was exhausted from staying on the diet and feeling so limited. Exhausted from taking so many pills every night. I admitted that I have not stuck to 110g of carbs today, had not been regularly exercising 20 minutes a day, and even have been skipping medication on days I am over taking pills. Admitting all of this to him was obviously imperative for him to help course correct, but more importantly, it caused me to be honest with myself.

In addition to staying on track with my carb breakup, Dr. Marcus made the following adjustments to treat my Insulin Resistance and PCOS. Every case is different, but here is how we are approaching my journey to health:

Increased Metformin from 500mg to 2000mg. I am not happy to take 4 times as many pills. (larger pills are available, I am just not a strong pill taker). I have read various posts from many of you about Metformin side effects which had not really been bad for me before. I will be interested to see how side effects progress with this higher dosage.

strong>Exercising 20 minutes a day is imperative. Time to look back at my tips to wakeup in the morning and exercise. The epic battle with the snooze button will continue.

Now for the newest and for me, the scariest change. Once a week, I will now need to give myself an injection. For those of you that have been following my journey, you know that I am terrified with needles which is why the Glucose Tolerance Test was so difficult for me. Each week I will be injecting myself with Tanzeum. My doctor was very open to discussing this medication and we decided it would be the best thing for expediting a cure for my PCOS and Insulin Resistance. I will admit that when he mentioned this, I hit the cap on holding in my emotions. It was hard enough to hear that if I did not get my diet and health in order, I would likely not make it to my 50th birthday in 20 years. Then learning that my results needed pushing and it was time to introduce injections…I lost it in his office. He kindly listened and coached me through how to use this prescription. I was shaking in fear to give myself my first shot…but I did it. I really did. I feel braver and stronger for being able to do this. As much as I hate needles, I will do whatever it takes to be healthy again. For those of you interested in learning more about this prescription, check out this

Thursday Progress: No change on the scale, but changing my attitude.

Starting this blog has been one of the best decisions I have made in a while.

I have felt so supported by so many of you. Thank you for your words of encouragement, hope, and care. This community has really reminded me how wonderful it is to connect with people all over the world that are sharing in your experiences. Even though the last few weeks have been harder than usual, sharing and connecting with all of you has made me feel more motivated than ever.

This morning’s weigh in was steady with last week. It is definitely not the number I want to be at although I am pleased that I have not gained more weight since last week, especially considering carbs and I were on again/off again this week.

I have my check-in appointment with my Endocrinologist next week, so I know I need to get back to taking control of my life. If you have been following my blog, you know I am TERRIBLE with needles, so whenever I need to go to my Endo and have bloodwork done, I am less than pleased. All that being said, I think being back in the lab and having to go through a blood withdraw may be the wake up call that I need that I do not have the luxury of choosing when I feel like following my diet. If I don’t make improvements, I will only get heavier and sicker.

Successes this week: 

  • While I had a couple meals of weakness, overall I was better about making low carb choices. My husband and I found a new spot that does amazing chicken wings in 3 different sauces for Happy Hour…I will keep trying to find new treats like that to indulge in
  • There was a nice success at work this week that helped me feel motivated to get back on track. If I want to be my best self in all facets, it really starts with a healthy body and taking better care of myself.

Opportunities for next week:

  • Get back to treating my conditions more seriously and sticking to more disciplined low carb diets. It really is such a rabbit hole if you let yourself go and eat with no care or concern. I need to remember this is a lifestyle I must accept and treat it as so.
  • Exercise. But seriously. I know this is something my Endo will bring up next week…at minimum I should try to start the week right so I can let him know I am trying to get workouts in.
  • Take better care of everything around me and not give in to feeling tired. If I take better care of me, I know it will help me be a better wife, friend, and worker.
  • Stay positive. So many of the things I worry about never even happen. I need to have faith and stay thankful for all the blessings I do have. Dwelling in negativity is helping me or anyone around me.

Definitely a week with more opportunities than successes…but I do feel focused and ready to take back control of my health and life.

Dear Carbs – you are great, but seriously back off. I am walking away as much as I love you so I can be happier and healthier. It would be great if you could keep your distance and let me get stronger. xo Me

PCOS and IR: Not an easy lifestyle

SPOILER ALERT: This post contains the whole truth and nothing but the truth on how the last week and a half have gone.

Having PCOS and Insulin Resistance is hard. As in VERY hard. The last couple of months I have tried to be positive. I have followed the rules the best I could. I try to look on the bright side and take each day with a new level of faith. But it is hard and I have not been doing well.

Sticking to 110g of carbs a day is pretty hard. Especially when you work in an office where there are free carbs around you everywhere and cafeteria options that are hard to ignore in all their carb filled glory. It is hard to ignore the free bread or tortilla chips on a table when you go out to eat and your friends are enjoying the carby deliciousness. It is hard to not take the easy route with food…so many carb filled options are typically the easiest to get when you are in a rush.

And the ovulation. Every 10-14 days. I mean…come on. The cramps, nausea, and exhaustion have been out of control causing me to crave even more of what I shouldn’t eat.

If all this isn’t enough, I am in a new role at work that is BRAND new to me. While it is exciting to learn something new every day, it is also exhausting. I find myself more insecure than I have been in a long time wondering if what I am doing is right. I am working so hard to please everyone and exceed expectations. All while fighting Insulin Resistance and PCOS.

I wish it would all just go away and I can do what I have done in the past…if one diet doesn’t work, choose another one. But that is no longer an option. Insulin Resistance and PCOS are real which no way around them.

So if I can’t go around these challenges…I need to keep fighting and find a way to go THROUGH the challenges. While the last couple weeks have been so hard, I know I am a fighter and I know I will get healthier. Now time to go meet a friend for dinner and ignore the free bread…