There is an article right? Or a tutorial? Or something to navigate communicating to your partner the pain you feel and why they should understand?
I tried. I even have a post about it. But there is no explanation. There is no way. No one can really understand no matter how much they love you and want to help. It is like anything…until you have been through it, you can’t understand.
So here I am. Out on a date with a man I have been committed to for 10 years. A man I love. A man who has tried. But he can’t understand.
I try to be a blog about positivity. I try to find the silver lining. But I also am honest. Always honest. And I will say – going through PCOS and IR with a partner who isn’t…is lonely.
Please don’t get me wrong. I love him and our relationship. But he just doesn’t get it. He can’t.
So here I am…sitting at a bar…next to my husband and writing to you. Thank goodness this crazy world has made it normal for a couple on a date to be on their phones next to each other.
But here is the thing. I am SO thankful he isn’t going through this. I am so thankful he doesn’t have the pain that I do and that he doesn’t understand this.
So I will take a deep breath. And another drink of wine (because hey – I feel nauseated anyway) and I will make this a great night. Because I love him. And because we only have this moment we are given.
PCOS and Insulin Resistance have rocked my world. It has been almost a year since diagnosis and I can’t believe how much my life has changed.
For anyone battling a health issue, you can relate to the challenge of preventing said issue from consuming your identity. For me, I have battled mood swings, persistent nausea, vomiting, fatigue…all the things that engulf my life and are impossible to ignore.
Sometimes I feel so frustrated that I can’t get away from these feelings and symptoms. For a short term sickeness or even a diet, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You know that you will get better and all discomforts will be done at some point. I think for me, that’s the hardest part of PCOS and IR – that all this discomfort is permanent and all these lifestyle changes must be permanent as well if I want to stay healthy (and alive).
The human component of fighting a disorder is the part we need to remember. We aren’t machines. We will falter. We will get frustrated. But we can keep fighting.
After a bad stick last night with my Tanzeum that caused a bit of bleeding, after needing to run into the bathroom at work during a meeting to be sick, after being so frustrated that I can’t eat the carbs that everyone around me are eating…I feel discouraged and exhausted. But I know this is what I have been dealt and that I am lucky to be alive. So I am going to keep putting all my energy into finding the positive and being strong. No matter what.
My Carb Breakup has given my strength during the darkest times…times like now. So thank you – thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for your kindness.
This last week has been a roller coaster…and not in the fun way. I have been having the hardest time getting into my groove with medication and diet. Maybe it is the fact there are carbs EVERYWHERE at work. Maybe it is the fact Halloween candy is everywhere. Maybe I am feeling extra tired. So many possibilities…all of which lead to a pretty steady relationship with carbs lately. I have had days that have been SO good with what I eat and remembering my medicine. Then there are the days when on my drive into work I realize I forgot my meds. Or I decide I need to eat that Reese’s Peanut Butter cup. And the cracker snack pack. And the bagel. Consistency has definitely not been great for me in the last week.
Despite the roller coaster, I am not up any weight from last week. I am still 4 pounds away from my lowest weight and 22 pounds from my goal weight…but at least I did not gain from last week.
Here is what I did well last week:
- FOOD JOURNALING – Since I have felt like my carb rendezvous have been quite intense, I have been writing down what I am eating again. I have found food journaling has really helped me get control
- GOOD CHOICES – I have had a few meals where I have very decisively avoided carbs and chosen something healthier. Even though everyone around me is chowing down on mac and cheese…and fries…and (sigh) you get it.
Here are my opportunities for the coming week:
- EXERCISE – I still have not found a groove with a workout schedule. I know how important it is…I have nothing more to say except I know I need to be like Nike and JUST DO IT.
- CONSISTENCY – Most of my life, I have been all about focused bursts of productivity and lulls of…well…not productivity. As a general statement, I need to focus on my consistency – especially with my diet.
- CHOOSING JOY – I don’t know about you, but in the world of social media, it is so easy to compare. I have been really trying to focus on my blessings and not comparing to others. I am going to work to continually choose joy…and make that choice with a grateful heart.
No matter if you are fighting PCOS, Diabetes, staying on a diet, or just trying to be a functional, productive human…there are ups and downs. It is crucial to understand that and give yourself some breathing room. On this crazy roller coaster, we can learn just as much on the lows if we choose to…so here is to learning and some smooth sailing once I get my groove back.
Going to bed last night I was planning to wake up early and exercise. I was planning to feel great and bounce into the week.
The alarm went off and I was exhausted and felt incredibly nauseated. There was no way I would be getting out of bed to exercise…if I could I wanted to stay in bed all day.
I got myself to work, but have been incredibly tired. To make the day more “fun,” my work computer has been having issues so this day has all around been pretty rough already.
Despite all of this, I am committed to feeling better, so I forced myself to get a low carb lunch: Albacore tuna, pickles, veggies with ranch, and cheese – tasted pretty good, but I couldn’t finish the cheese. My appetite is significantly smaller with the meds, so this amount was pretty good for me.
Even though I hate taking pills, I forced myself to take my normal meds along with the B-complex vitamin I hate. My doctor told me this vitamin will help with energy and feelings of depression, so even though it is my least favorite medicine, I am working hard to do everything I can to do everything my doctor ordered.
Even though everything I am supposed to be doing is overwhelming, I am so focused on feeling better again. This is certainly not easy, but as one of my dearest friends told me, it will get better.
I. Won’t. Give. Up.
The last couple months have been hard. Very hard.
Nausea, vomiting, weight fluctuations, mood swings, and overall frustration of fighting PCOS and Insulin Resistance have taken over my life. I have been feeling so sick all the time that I have not stuck to a low carb lifestyle at all.
After finally feeling so much frustration, it is time to start over. It is time to get back on track to do absolutely everything I can to feel like myself again. I am so tired of feeling sick and having that be my identity.
Starting tonight, I made a low carb dinner that tasted great:
Butter lettuce, cherry tomatoes, shredded carrots, avocado, and lemon olive oil dressing.
While I am still feeling some cravings for carbs, I think that I will feel significant progress and be so much healthier if I stay on this path.
It is time to take control…and get back on track! Life is full of challenges, but I do believe it is how you handle them that makes you stronger. Time to eat healthy and be the best version of me I can be!
What are your goals this week?
So it looks like food journaling has been the way to go…I am down 1 more pound this week! I am still 1 pound away from my lowest I have been on this journey, but I have lost 4 pounds since my birthmonth weight gain!
Here are the things that I did well this week:
- My food journal has definitely been holding me accountable. Food journaling has also shown me that I can still have some of the carbs I love, just in moderation.
- I have been better about taking my meds regularly. I have noticed that not taking my meds was really causing my body to reset, so I am back to some nausea and vomiting side effects. I have stayed positive though…I know that I am getting healthier and I need to stay disciplined.
- Overall, I have been working to have a more positive outlook. It can be so easy to be caught up in negativity whether it be at work, around friends, or even from our own health. I have made it a goal to stay positive and stay thankful.
Here are my goals for next week:
- NO more excuses…I need to workout. I had a dentist appointment early this morning which proved to myself I can in fact get out of bed when I need to. It is time to make my workout a priority.
- Keep food journaling. It is working really well, so I need to keep it going.
- Keep the positivity going. Even if that means distancing myself from people and situations that do not make me feel happy or positive.
As I continue along my experiences, it is so clear to me that I really can be happy and healthy as long as I keep taking control of my life. I have the power to choose happiness…so why choose anything else?
So as it turns out, food journaling helps. A LOT.
Even though I had a family vacation this weekend and enjoyed more carbs than usual, I still tried to be mindful of what I ate and drank. I have also been sticking to the food journal all week so far. The nice thing about food journaling is I can still have carb splurges, but I am mindful of how big they are and how they impact my carbs for the day.
This morning was a great example of how carbs and I had a brief rendezvous, but didn’t fully commit. Around my office, there are a lot of celebrations. Not the once a month lump all the birthdays together…but a celebration for EVERY birthday, milestones, farewell, you name it. This morning was a farewell…with bagels. Sitting around the table feeling hungry and watching everyone eat carbs, I was dying. So I used my handy dandy “Calorie King” app and realized if I had half a bagel, I would be within my normal 30g of carb/meal allotment. This allowed me to eat, be included, and not break the carb bank. SUCCESS.
All of this seems to be working as I am down 3 pounds form last week! I am still working off my birthMONTH weight, but am only 2 pounds away from where I was at my lowest weight before birthMONTH. Even with the small gain, I am still down 22 pounds from September 2014. I am hoping this momentum will keep me moving in the right direction.
So I guess carbs in moderation is kind of like friends with benefits status…we aren’t fully committed, but we enjoy some great perks of a relationship. Sometimes.